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Coaching services for clarity, stress relief,

contentment, resilience & achievement

effectivethoughts@gmail.com

+44 7884 176539

Check out these quick video tips covering rumination, mindfulness and overcoming nerves.

My Video Tips:
Effective Thoughts for Every Day

All Videos

All Videos

All Videos

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Healing from Trauma Through Somatic EMDR with Cara Hooper | Episode 11

Healing from Trauma Through Somatic EMDR with Cara Hooper | Episode 11

57:35

Play Video

How to overcome the nerves to try something with confidence

How to overcome the nerves to try something with confidence

02:12

Play Video

Break the rumination habit

Break the rumination habit

02:01

Play Video

Easy mindfulness exercise

Easy mindfulness exercise

01:34

Play Video

Now is a great time to sort out some coaching. I am holding last year's prices on all coaching services until the end of the month.

A package of 3 coaching sessions is valid for a whole year, so there is no rush to book in.

If you are ready to book or have any questions, please contact me or book a free consultation.

> Mindset coaching covers anything related to how we think, beliefs, values, habits, boundaries, goals.
> Somatic EMDR coaching helps shift stuck emotions, working with the nervous system to find peace from anxiety, pain and overwhelm.
> My book - 'Invisible Damage. Healing from a narcissistic or emotionally immature parent' - is available at 50% off, message me for the promo code or sign up on my website.

#effectivethoughts
#Coaching
#newyear
#lastyearsprices

Message me

Now is a great time to sort out some coaching. I am holding last year's prices on all coaching services until the end of the month.

A package of 3 coaching sessions is valid for a whole year, so there is no rush to book in.

If you are ready to book or have any questions, please contact me or book a free consultation.

> Mindset coaching covers anything related to how we think, beliefs, values, habits, boundaries, goals.
> Somatic EMDR coaching helps shift stuck emotions, working with the nervous system to find peace from anxiety, pain and overwhelm.
> My book - 'Invisible Damage. Healing from a narcissistic or emotionally immature parent' - is available at 50% off, message me for the promo code or sign up on my website.

#effectivethoughts
#Coaching
#newyear
#lastyearsprices

Message me

Trapped emotions or trauma does not just cause dysregulation, anxiety, maladaptive behaviour or chronic illness.. it can also be experienced as an unexplained lasting/chronic pain.
This is a recent Somatic EMDR Coaching case with me for unexplained shoulder pain.*

Mark woke one morning with shoulder pain. Nothing seemed to relieve the pain. Over the next month, the pain persisted despite osteopathic treatment and massage.

As there was no obvious injury, and no physical treatment helped, Mark decided to try Somatic EMDR for the 1st time, despite being sceptical.
Mark's pain was around 7/10 severity with nerve tingling in arm and hand.

> Session 1 - Mark was surprised at how the pain moved during the session and at the strong emotions that he noticed. After the session the pain had lessened slightly and he felt very tired.
The next day he woke with pain at 2-3 out of 10. It did worsen again as the day progressed to 4 out of 10, but overall better than it had been for weeks.
Following day - much less discomfort, muscle tension gone, some nerve tingling still but reduced.

> Session 2 - During the session the pain shifted to a completely different location in the body, after weeks of remaining the same. Nerve tingling remained in arm and hand.
Following day - the pain had gone (Mark reported - “I can’t quite believe it moved and then disappeared”). Nerve tingling in arm still remained.

Over the following week the nerve tingling changed from constant to intermittent and much reduced in severity.

> Next session - the aim is to work on the remaining intermittent nerve tingling. Or, whatever the body decides!

*Consent obtained to share this case study. ✔️
*Every individual and their pain is unique, so such quick results are not guaranteed.

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#somatic
#emdr
#unexplainedpain
#bodykeepsthescore
#trauma

Trapped emotions or trauma does not just cause dysregulation, anxiety, maladaptive behaviour or chronic illness.. it can also be experienced as an unexplained lasting/chronic pain.
This is a recent Somatic EMDR Coaching case with me for unexplained shoulder pain.*

Mark woke one morning with shoulder pain. Nothing seemed to relieve the pain. Over the next month, the pain persisted despite osteopathic treatment and massage.

As there was no obvious injury, and no physical treatment helped, Mark decided to try Somatic EMDR for the 1st time, despite being sceptical.
Mark's pain was around 7/10 severity with nerve tingling in arm and hand.

> Session 1 - Mark was surprised at how the pain moved during the session and at the strong emotions that he noticed. After the session the pain had lessened slightly and he felt very tired.
The next day he woke with pain at 2-3 out of 10. It did worsen again as the day progressed to 4 out of 10, but overall better than it had been for weeks.
Following day - much less discomfort, muscle tension gone, some nerve tingling still but reduced.

> Session 2 - During the session the pain shifted to a completely different location in the body, after weeks of remaining the same. Nerve tingling remained in arm and hand.
Following day - the pain had gone (Mark reported - “I can’t quite believe it moved and then disappeared”). Nerve tingling in arm still remained.

Over the following week the nerve tingling changed from constant to intermittent and much reduced in severity.

> Next session - the aim is to work on the remaining intermittent nerve tingling. Or, whatever the body decides!

*Consent obtained to share this case study. ✔️
*Every individual and their pain is unique, so such quick results are not guaranteed.

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#somatic
#emdr
#unexplainedpain
#bodykeepsthescore
#trauma

Notice.. but with patience. Feelings are not always immediately accessible.

When we set the intention to understand, the confirmation will come, but in its own sweet time. We have often spent a lifetime burying the hard stuff, so it takes practise to allow it to surface.

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#emotions
#stressrelief
#selfcompassion
#selfawareness

Notice.. but with patience. Feelings are not always immediately accessible.

When we set the intention to understand, the confirmation will come, but in its own sweet time. We have often spent a lifetime burying the hard stuff, so it takes practise to allow it to surface.

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#emotions
#stressrelief
#selfcompassion
#selfawareness

New year's resolutions to promote a sense of peace and personal power...

Commit to experimenting* every day with the following...
(* when we treat things as an experiment, we reduce the pressure and expectation of perfection)

Step 1 - Just notice.. feelings, sensations, emotions, triggers. Without judgement. Noticing and acknowledging boosts self-awareness and enables us to process feelings. We also return to this moment and enhance our abilities to observe, rather than be ruled by our feelings.

Step 2 - Pause.. take a breath before reacting. This, with practise, allows us to respond. It reminds us that we can choose. It also encourages noticing, see step 1.

Step 3 - Connect.. we are wired to connect and create, this includes connecting to ourselves. When we combine step 1 and 2, we can decide in the moment how safe we feel when connecting, encouraging discernment in our relationships.

Step 4 - Review.. a big part of learning is review and reflection. Simply asking ourselves- 'what did I do well today?' helps encourage repetition of the desired behaviour. Noticing positive impacts encourages motivation. Asking 'what might I want to adjust tomorrow?' reminds us that we are a work in progress and helps us remember our focus.

Any new behaviour is encouraged with patience and self compassion.

How will you remember your new approach and the need to monitor your results?

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#newyear
#resolution
#nopressure
#patience
#newbehaviour
#gentle

New year's resolutions to promote a sense of peace and personal power...

Commit to experimenting* every day with the following...
(* when we treat things as an experiment, we reduce the pressure and expectation of perfection)

Step 1 - Just notice.. feelings, sensations, emotions, triggers. Without judgement. Noticing and acknowledging boosts self-awareness and enables us to process feelings. We also return to this moment and enhance our abilities to observe, rather than be ruled by our feelings.

Step 2 - Pause.. take a breath before reacting. This, with practise, allows us to respond. It reminds us that we can choose. It also encourages noticing, see step 1.

Step 3 - Connect.. we are wired to connect and create, this includes connecting to ourselves. When we combine step 1 and 2, we can decide in the moment how safe we feel when connecting, encouraging discernment in our relationships.

Step 4 - Review.. a big part of learning is review and reflection. Simply asking ourselves- 'what did I do well today?' helps encourage repetition of the desired behaviour. Noticing positive impacts encourages motivation. Asking 'what might I want to adjust tomorrow?' reminds us that we are a work in progress and helps us remember our focus.

Any new behaviour is encouraged with patience and self compassion.

How will you remember your new approach and the need to monitor your results?

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#newyear
#resolution
#nopressure
#patience
#newbehaviour
#gentle

Give yourself the gift of pause and self regulation in under a minute.

1. Notice and name what you are feeling. Acknowledgement is important.

2. See what you can see

3. Hear each small detail

4. Go inwards, notice your heart and breath

5. Slow your breath

6. Relax your face, neck, shoulders, upper body, lower body.

Mobilise or stretch if you need to. As you were...

Inspired by my (poorly filmed) stop at the beach after buying the Christmas potatoes from a very busy shop this morning... 🎄

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#regulation
#pause
#introspection
#slow
#relax

Give yourself the gift of pause and self regulation in under a minute.

1. Notice and name what you are feeling. Acknowledgement is important.

2. See what you can see

3. Hear each small detail

4. Go inwards, notice your heart and breath

5. Slow your breath

6. Relax your face, neck, shoulders, upper body, lower body.

Mobilise or stretch if you need to. As you were...

Inspired by my (poorly filmed) stop at the beach after buying the Christmas potatoes from a very busy shop this morning... 🎄

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#regulation
#pause
#introspection
#slow
#relax

Last week, within a 24 hour window, the following happened:
- our beloved dog was admitted for an unexpected operation
- our airing cupboard and floor boards flooded
- our central heating boiler died

So... there was fear for our dog, worry about his pain, facing having no boiler in December, upheaval in the house, helping to manage the kids' feelings, and recoiling at the cost of it all.

I also discovered my admin error which meant no pet insurance coverage 🤦🏻‍♀️

So, coaching tools needed, here's what helped...

1. Acceptance - It is what it is. This is important because the opposite of acceptance is resistance. Resistance simply magnifies the stress and upset.

2. Acknowledge and allow the feelings - No judgement. This step included regularly regulating my nervous system, breathing, returning to my body. The uncertainty brings anxiety, the upheaval causes dysregulation. The opposite of allowing is repressing; repression causes more problems after the event.

3. Honour the feelings - Share, journal, cry, walk. Plus, for me.. a spin class or 2 is very useful for dispersing stress hormones.

4. Rest, meditation - Giving space to integrate and 'process' encourages the resolution of the feelings.

5. Find the glimmers & gratitude - Acknowledgement of what is working, what has helped, what advantages there might be, and how it could have been worse is all beneficial. Glimmers are those moments of peace, safety, contentment, joy that will still appear even during a stressful time. NOTE - this is useful *after* acknowledging feelings, otherwise it is another form of repression/denial. Also, this step may not be possible for a while, depending on the adversity.

6. Remember that adversity/trauma is NEVER the 3ps - Permanent, Personal, Pervasive. Nothing is permanent, nor will it be impacting every aspect of life. All experiences evolve and change.

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#selfcoaching
#perspective
#stressful
#adversity
#traumarecovery
#

Last week, within a 24 hour window, the following happened:
- our beloved dog was admitted for an unexpected operation
- our airing cupboard and floor boards flooded
- our central heating boiler died

So... there was fear for our dog, worry about his pain, facing having no boiler in December, upheaval in the house, helping to manage the kids' feelings, and recoiling at the cost of it all.

I also discovered my admin error which meant no pet insurance coverage 🤦🏻‍♀️

So, coaching tools needed, here's what helped...

1. Acceptance - It is what it is. This is important because the opposite of acceptance is resistance. Resistance simply magnifies the stress and upset.

2. Acknowledge and allow the feelings - No judgement. This step included regularly regulating my nervous system, breathing, returning to my body. The uncertainty brings anxiety, the upheaval causes dysregulation. The opposite of allowing is repressing; repression causes more problems after the event.

3. Honour the feelings - Share, journal, cry, walk. Plus, for me.. a spin class or 2 is very useful for dispersing stress hormones.

4. Rest, meditation - Giving space to integrate and 'process' encourages the resolution of the feelings.

5. Find the glimmers & gratitude - Acknowledgement of what is working, what has helped, what advantages there might be, and how it could have been worse is all beneficial. Glimmers are those moments of peace, safety, contentment, joy that will still appear even during a stressful time. NOTE - this is useful *after* acknowledging feelings, otherwise it is another form of repression/denial. Also, this step may not be possible for a while, depending on the adversity.

6. Remember that adversity/trauma is NEVER the 3ps - Permanent, Personal, Pervasive. Nothing is permanent, nor will it be impacting every aspect of life. All experiences evolve and change.

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#selfcoaching
#perspective
#stressful
#adversity
#traumarecovery
#

It might be hard to change and hard to remain. Which would be harder?

The choices may not be easy, but which choice would give you the most ease?

#effectivethoughts #Coaching
#dilemma
#stuck
#personalresponsibility

It might be hard to change and hard to remain. Which would be harder?

The choices may not be easy, but which choice would give you the most ease?

#effectivethoughts #Coaching
#dilemma
#stuck
#personalresponsibility

After a weird few days with some unexpected challenges, this happened! In a community of 4000+ high-quality coaches, I was recognised by my peers. Given the people I work alongside, this feels extra special.

The award for 'Grit', defined by Angela Duckworth as passion and perseverance, is for a peer supervision group I facilitate each month.

The groups are always a pleasure, and I learn so much from hanging out with the awesome international coaches that attend.

#effectivethoughts
#Coaching
#gratitude
#peerfeedback
#grit

After a weird few days with some unexpected challenges, this happened! In a community of 4000+ high-quality coaches, I was recognised by my peers. Given the people I work alongside, this feels extra special.

The award for 'Grit', defined by Angela Duckworth as passion and perseverance, is for a peer supervision group I facilitate each month.

The groups are always a pleasure, and I learn so much from hanging out with the awesome international coaches that attend.

#effectivethoughts
#Coaching
#gratitude
#peerfeedback
#grit

Mindset Coaching can feel more obvious in terms of tracking success. People notice they are doing the new behaviour, asserting themselves, making that decision, being more conscious, achieving those goals.

So..
How will you know if Somatic EMDR Coaching is working? It is working on triggers and sensations, seeming less easy to quantify.

Results vary by individual. Many experience subtle shifts or releases during sessions, often followed by feelings of calm and reduced symptoms of stress, fear or pressure.

Over time, people may notice a decrease in overwhelm and discomfort, a lessening of physical pain in some cases, an increase in self-compassion and empowerment.

People often report feeling more resilient and lighter.

Progress can often feel gradual, similar to healing a fractured bone, though some people do notice immediate relief.

#effectivethoughts
#Coaching
#mindset
#somatic
#emdr
#yourquestions

Mindset Coaching can feel more obvious in terms of tracking success. People notice they are doing the new behaviour, asserting themselves, making that decision, being more conscious, achieving those goals.

So..
How will you know if Somatic EMDR Coaching is working? It is working on triggers and sensations, seeming less easy to quantify.

Results vary by individual. Many experience subtle shifts or releases during sessions, often followed by feelings of calm and reduced symptoms of stress, fear or pressure.

Over time, people may notice a decrease in overwhelm and discomfort, a lessening of physical pain in some cases, an increase in self-compassion and empowerment.

People often report feeling more resilient and lighter.

Progress can often feel gradual, similar to healing a fractured bone, though some people do notice immediate relief.

#effectivethoughts
#Coaching
#mindset
#somatic
#emdr
#yourquestions

If you have questions, I will be happy to help (I could talk about this stuff all day!).

You can check out the FAQs on my website, ask me in DMs or comments, or book a free consultation.

#effectivethoughts
#Coaching
#mindset
#somatic
#emdr
#questions

If you have questions, I will be happy to help (I could talk about this stuff all day!).

You can check out the FAQs on my website, ask me in DMs or comments, or book a free consultation.

#effectivethoughts
#Coaching
#mindset
#somatic
#emdr
#questions

Over-empathy can stop us from asking for support, setting boundaries, or saying what we need.

We may feel we don't want to burden or upset someone. We are effectively prioritising our *perception* of someone's feelings, our worry about their discomfort, over our own *actual* feelings.

This type of self censorship and overthinking is a betrayal of our truth, which will often lead us to feeling repressed, resentful, and misunderstood.

This automatic behaviour is a habit, often rooted in stuck emotion/trauma. Effectively, we are anxious about trying to control other people's comfort.

Habits can be reduced by...
- pausing
- breathing/connecting to self
- (bravely and consciously) choosing our behaviour

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#over-empathy
#automaticbehaviour
#traumaresponse
#authenticity

Over-empathy can stop us from asking for support, setting boundaries, or saying what we need.

We may feel we don't want to burden or upset someone. We are effectively prioritising our *perception* of someone's feelings, our worry about their discomfort, over our own *actual* feelings.

This type of self censorship and overthinking is a betrayal of our truth, which will often lead us to feeling repressed, resentful, and misunderstood.

This automatic behaviour is a habit, often rooted in stuck emotion/trauma. Effectively, we are anxious about trying to control other people's comfort.

Habits can be reduced by...
- pausing
- breathing/connecting to self
- (bravely and consciously) choosing our behaviour

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#over-empathy
#automaticbehaviour
#traumaresponse
#authenticity

Below I explain why, as a human Coach, I recommend AI Coaches.

What are your thoughts on this topic?

My thoughts:
An AI Coach* works because it is...
- Immediate and free
- Validating (of the explicitly stated)
- Thought provoking, asks questions
- Able to suggest tools
- Learns from past programming to make suggestions
- Positively supportive
- Makes coaching available to all

[* I have tried rocky.ai & Claude but there are loads out there - try searching for 'ai coaching chatbot']

A human Coach provides all of this, but has a cost and you have to book!

However, a human Coach also provides...

- Connection, attunement, intuition
- Co-regulation with nervous system
- Deeper, provocative questions
- Boosting of self awareness and personal insights
- Challenge/disruption of beliefs, assumptions and perspectives
- Noticing what is not being said beyond language (body language, energy, tone, pace...)
- Collaborative creativity for future strategies
- Accountability
- Lived experience
- Co- creation of bespoke options/alternatives in terms of strategies

As a human Coach, I feel that the more people that can experience the power of coaching, the better whilst being fully aware of the differences.

PS - this content is entirely human created!

#effectivethoughts
#Coaching
#aidebate
#coachingforall
#accessibility
#insight

Below I explain why, as a human Coach, I recommend AI Coaches.

What are your thoughts on this topic?

My thoughts:
An AI Coach* works because it is...
- Immediate and free
- Validating (of the explicitly stated)
- Thought provoking, asks questions
- Able to suggest tools
- Learns from past programming to make suggestions
- Positively supportive
- Makes coaching available to all

[* I have tried rocky.ai & Claude but there are loads out there - try searching for 'ai coaching chatbot']

A human Coach provides all of this, but has a cost and you have to book!

However, a human Coach also provides...

- Connection, attunement, intuition
- Co-regulation with nervous system
- Deeper, provocative questions
- Boosting of self awareness and personal insights
- Challenge/disruption of beliefs, assumptions and perspectives
- Noticing what is not being said beyond language (body language, energy, tone, pace...)
- Collaborative creativity for future strategies
- Accountability
- Lived experience
- Co- creation of bespoke options/alternatives in terms of strategies

As a human Coach, I feel that the more people that can experience the power of coaching, the better whilst being fully aware of the differences.

PS - this content is entirely human created!

#effectivethoughts
#Coaching
#aidebate
#coachingforall
#accessibility
#insight

The podcast with the amazing @jennyadamscoach has landed. We talk about many things relating to coaching, stress, masking, trauma, somatic EMDR and relationships. Oh yes, and authenticity.

We crammed a lot into 57 minutes.

Link in bio/on website or search 'Calm Your Nervous System with Jenny Adams - episode 11' on your fave podcast service or YouTube.

Both Jenny and I have a drive toward facilitating peace and regulation in others. Jenny's podcasts 'Calm Your Nervous System' are well respected for covering subjects related to the nervous system, ADHD and chronic illness.

Hope you enjoy this episode. Please let me know any questions you may have.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RfUdKss1qWY&list=PL5fCYOCbN8zyRbVlE8BjJTHFh-rD4YIs-&index=1&t=70s

https://open.spotify.com/episode/7ynrmSEtrgTpyPGrBleX2x?si=ZYntEanjR_yyB7qwyRLplw

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#podcast
#purpose
#trauma
#somatic
#toxicrelationships
#emdrtherapy

The podcast with the amazing @jennyadamscoach has landed. We talk about many things relating to coaching, stress, masking, trauma, somatic EMDR and relationships. Oh yes, and authenticity.

We crammed a lot into 57 minutes.

Link in bio/on website or search 'Calm Your Nervous System with Jenny Adams - episode 11' on your fave podcast service or YouTube.

Both Jenny and I have a drive toward facilitating peace and regulation in others. Jenny's podcasts 'Calm Your Nervous System' are well respected for covering subjects related to the nervous system, ADHD and chronic illness.

Hope you enjoy this episode. Please let me know any questions you may have.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RfUdKss1qWY&list=PL5fCYOCbN8zyRbVlE8BjJTHFh-rD4YIs-&index=1&t=70s

https://open.spotify.com/episode/7ynrmSEtrgTpyPGrBleX2x?si=ZYntEanjR_yyB7qwyRLplw

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#podcast
#purpose
#trauma
#somatic
#toxicrelationships
#emdrtherapy

I used to be a masker, rescuer, pleaser - to keep the peace, to avoid the reality, to attempt to keep people comfortable

I learnt, growing up, that love and support were conditional. My intent was to keep myself safe and avoid negative judgement.

The impact was that my connections were not authentic, and I was not authentic. I didn't know how to be. I was unconsciously pretending all of the time.

This survival mechanism was not serving me. I felt hyper alert and wired. I learnt that the way out was radical honesty, acceptance, and paying conscious attention to what was important. This took practise, especially with no real sense of self. Then I had to learn to be brave enough to respond honestly... to say no, to set boundaries.

I learnt that others' resistance to my truth, my boundaries showed areas for them to work on. It was their stuff.

Learning new ways towards safety and peace requires conscious attention and honest reflection. Coaching really helps. Book a free consultation if you're curious.

#effectivethoughts
#Coaching
#livingintentionally
#presence
#regulation
#authenticity

I used to be a masker, rescuer, pleaser - to keep the peace, to avoid the reality, to attempt to keep people comfortable

I learnt, growing up, that love and support were conditional. My intent was to keep myself safe and avoid negative judgement.

The impact was that my connections were not authentic, and I was not authentic. I didn't know how to be. I was unconsciously pretending all of the time.

This survival mechanism was not serving me. I felt hyper alert and wired. I learnt that the way out was radical honesty, acceptance, and paying conscious attention to what was important. This took practise, especially with no real sense of self. Then I had to learn to be brave enough to respond honestly... to say no, to set boundaries.

I learnt that others' resistance to my truth, my boundaries showed areas for them to work on. It was their stuff.

Learning new ways towards safety and peace requires conscious attention and honest reflection. Coaching really helps. Book a free consultation if you're curious.

#effectivethoughts
#Coaching
#livingintentionally
#presence
#regulation
#authenticity

Simple, but not always easy.

Improving focus is as simple as resisting distraction and intentionally refocusing after a distraction.

Our brains can manufacture distraction, or even despondancy, when we perceive a task to be boring or difficult. Checking the validity of the distraction is key, as well as reminding ourselves what we will achieve by focusing on the task.

In the moment, we can pause and check how urgent/important a distraction is. If we need a drink for example, we can consciously commit to refocusing immediately after we have met that need.

We may have to repeatedly and intentionally re-commit to focusing. We can help this along by turning off notifications, quietening other tech, asking not to be disturbed.

What are your main distractions? How can you be intentional about focusing?

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#productivity
#motivation
#intention
#attentiveness

Simple, but not always easy.

Improving focus is as simple as resisting distraction and intentionally refocusing after a distraction.

Our brains can manufacture distraction, or even despondancy, when we perceive a task to be boring or difficult. Checking the validity of the distraction is key, as well as reminding ourselves what we will achieve by focusing on the task.

In the moment, we can pause and check how urgent/important a distraction is. If we need a drink for example, we can consciously commit to refocusing immediately after we have met that need.

We may have to repeatedly and intentionally re-commit to focusing. We can help this along by turning off notifications, quietening other tech, asking not to be disturbed.

What are your main distractions? How can you be intentional about focusing?

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#productivity
#motivation
#intention
#attentiveness

Feelings are data, they are fleeting, they are not facts.

We can notice and decide how useful the data is. We can also acknowledge that feelings can co-exist. Fear and excitement is a good example of this.

Acknowledgement is key.

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#feelings
#mindfulness
#conciousness

Feelings are data, they are fleeting, they are not facts.

We can notice and decide how useful the data is. We can also acknowledge that feelings can co-exist. Fear and excitement is a good example of this.

Acknowledgement is key.

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#feelings
#mindfulness
#conciousness

My e-book is an essential survival guide for healing from narcissistic or emotionally immature parents. An accessible starter guide to a long and complex subject, it will boost your awareness and offer tips for recovery.

Link in bio, or directly via website- https://www.effectivethoughts.co.uk/product-page/invisible-damage-recovering-from-a-narcissist-parent

> Comment 'discount' for a 50% code off or sign up on the website.<

What people have been saying about it...

"This subject took a lot of courage to look at closely and deeply. Cara has done a fantastic job of making it factual/real while providing guidance for making changes to step out of the cycle!" - Laurel Sweet PHD PCC, Executive & Leadership Coach

"It's powerful stuff to feel understood and held and that's what I got from the book! It gives people permission to nurture themselves where they never realised they could or how to!"
Jessica Goodchild - Coach & Hypnotherapist

"Cara writes so beautifully and sensitively about something that's tricky and awkward. The language is so clean and clear, making it very accessible. It takes courage to shine a light on the impact and recovery process of something that feels like a cultural taboo, but has affected and continues to affect so many, to varying degrees." Debbie Wickens, Counsellor

"Reading and working with the information and guidelines given in Invisible Damage by Cara Hooper has helped me immensely to identify and validate my own experiences and to move forward in a positive and healing direction towards a better version of myself. Within are pointers and tools that have aided in my own transformation into a stronger grounded person, kinder and more understanding as a parent and partner. I now feel I have a framework to guide me when my own past experiences threaten to hold me back from realising the life that I want and am creating". - Lorraine Owen , Founder. Elemental Yoga UK

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#cptsdrecovery #narcissistparents
#complexptsd #emotionallyimmatureparents #healingguide #awarenessbuilding
#toxicrelationships #somaticcoaching
#trauma #healing #somatic #emdr

My e-book is an essential survival guide for healing from narcissistic or emotionally immature parents. An accessible starter guide to a long and complex subject, it will boost your awareness and offer tips for recovery.

Link in bio, or directly via website- https://www.effectivethoughts.co.uk/product-page/invisible-damage-recovering-from-a-narcissist-parent

> Comment 'discount' for a 50% code off or sign up on the website.<

What people have been saying about it...

"This subject took a lot of courage to look at closely and deeply. Cara has done a fantastic job of making it factual/real while providing guidance for making changes to step out of the cycle!" - Laurel Sweet PHD PCC, Executive & Leadership Coach

"It's powerful stuff to feel understood and held and that's what I got from the book! It gives people permission to nurture themselves where they never realised they could or how to!"
Jessica Goodchild - Coach & Hypnotherapist

"Cara writes so beautifully and sensitively about something that's tricky and awkward. The language is so clean and clear, making it very accessible. It takes courage to shine a light on the impact and recovery process of something that feels like a cultural taboo, but has affected and continues to affect so many, to varying degrees." Debbie Wickens, Counsellor

"Reading and working with the information and guidelines given in Invisible Damage by Cara Hooper has helped me immensely to identify and validate my own experiences and to move forward in a positive and healing direction towards a better version of myself. Within are pointers and tools that have aided in my own transformation into a stronger grounded person, kinder and more understanding as a parent and partner. I now feel I have a framework to guide me when my own past experiences threaten to hold me back from realising the life that I want and am creating". - Lorraine Owen , Founder. Elemental Yoga UK

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#cptsdrecovery #narcissistparents
#complexptsd #emotionallyimmatureparents #healingguide #awarenessbuilding
#toxicrelationships #somaticcoaching
#trauma #healing #somatic #emdr

We have no control over how another person acts around us, respects our boundaries, or allows for a balanced relationship.

We can only deal with it. With boundaries we can clarify what we will and won't tolerate. We have power in how we choose to handle the situation.

#effectivethoughts
#personalresponsibility
#control
#boundaries
#authenticity

We have no control over how another person acts around us, respects our boundaries, or allows for a balanced relationship.

We can only deal with it. With boundaries we can clarify what we will and won't tolerate. We have power in how we choose to handle the situation.

#effectivethoughts
#personalresponsibility
#control
#boundaries
#authenticity

Sometimes, it's worth allowing any discomfort that might come from ditching your plans to reap the rewards of honouring your needs.

* Hairdo by Storm Bert - Just got back from a very windy beach walk 😂

PS - this post describes a privileged Sunday leisure based plan with no work and teenage kids that have 0 demands this afternoon. This makes for easier decision making.

#EFFECTIVETHOUGHTs
#coaching
#newplan
#flexibility

Sometimes, it's worth allowing any discomfort that might come from ditching your plans to reap the rewards of honouring your needs.

* Hairdo by Storm Bert - Just got back from a very windy beach walk 😂

PS - this post describes a privileged Sunday leisure based plan with no work and teenage kids that have 0 demands this afternoon. This makes for easier decision making.

#EFFECTIVETHOUGHTs
#coaching
#newplan
#flexibility

Sometimes, our day's plan is not in line with our needs.

Learning to pause, check in with ourselves, and honour what we need is essential for reducing pressure, overwhelm, and for nervous system regulation.

Regularly overriding our needs creates anxiety and dysregulation.

So, what is it you need in this moment?

It's not selfish, it's necessary.

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#selfcheck
#needs
#honourself

Sometimes, our day's plan is not in line with our needs.

Learning to pause, check in with ourselves, and honour what we need is essential for reducing pressure, overwhelm, and for nervous system regulation.

Regularly overriding our needs creates anxiety and dysregulation.

So, what is it you need in this moment?

It's not selfish, it's necessary.

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#selfcheck
#needs
#honourself

I have FAQs on my website. Covering coaching, EMDR, somatic work. Check them out. DM with any questions you may have.

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#somatic
#emdr
#mindset
#faqs
#askameanything

I have FAQs on my website. Covering coaching, EMDR, somatic work. Check them out. DM with any questions you may have.

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#somatic
#emdr
#mindset
#faqs
#askameanything

This is permission to step back. Even when our intentions are caring, we cannot make someone else change. We cannot fix someone else's wounding.

We can offer help, we can listen. But the power for change is only with the individual. It's their 'stuff'.

I have been coaching a leader who hadn't realised that her assistant was manipulating her until coaching gave her the clarity. This assistant used tactics that made the leader feel guilty for setting the smallest of tasks, caused the leader to question herself, and left her worrying for the assistant. Releasing the need to rescue this person has allowed the leader to be direct, honest, and factual when addressing the issues. This gave both parties the option to discuss their needs, empowering the assistant to take personal responsibility. Or not, the assistant gets to choose.

#coaching
#toxicrelationships
#rescuing
#appease
#Fawning

This is permission to step back. Even when our intentions are caring, we cannot make someone else change. We cannot fix someone else's wounding.

We can offer help, we can listen. But the power for change is only with the individual. It's their 'stuff'.

I have been coaching a leader who hadn't realised that her assistant was manipulating her until coaching gave her the clarity. This assistant used tactics that made the leader feel guilty for setting the smallest of tasks, caused the leader to question herself, and left her worrying for the assistant. Releasing the need to rescue this person has allowed the leader to be direct, honest, and factual when addressing the issues. This gave both parties the option to discuss their needs, empowering the assistant to take personal responsibility. Or not, the assistant gets to choose.

#coaching
#toxicrelationships
#rescuing
#appease
#Fawning

Just 5 minutes.

If you worked towards the behaviour change you want for just 5 minutes every day, at the end of the week, you will have done that thing for 35 minutes. That's a big improvement on 0 minutes.

Whether it's moving, reading, breathing, meditating, noticing your senses, journaling... you can find 5 minutes.

I used this approach when I wanted to add resistance training at a time when I had a lot on. I did squats and press ups in my PJs for 5 minutes after waking. I quickly noticed the improvement in strength.

How can you plan a goal focused 5 minutes in your day?

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#timemanagement
#smallsteps
#ideal
#newbehaviour

Just 5 minutes.

If you worked towards the behaviour change you want for just 5 minutes every day, at the end of the week, you will have done that thing for 35 minutes. That's a big improvement on 0 minutes.

Whether it's moving, reading, breathing, meditating, noticing your senses, journaling... you can find 5 minutes.

I used this approach when I wanted to add resistance training at a time when I had a lot on. I did squats and press ups in my PJs for 5 minutes after waking. I quickly noticed the improvement in strength.

How can you plan a goal focused 5 minutes in your day?

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#timemanagement
#smallsteps
#ideal
#newbehaviour

Feeling too busy? Is your to-do list in charge of you?

We can get caught in a stress cycle that feels impossible to stop. When in this mode, we are dysregulated and cannot think straight.

We can pause, take a few regulating breaths, and ask...
Q Are these tasks really mine?
Q Do I really have to do them all today?
Q Where does this (perceived) expectation come from?

We often forget that we DO have choices.

#EFFECTIVETHOUGHTs
#coaching
#overwhelm
#dysregulated
#busyness
#stressrelief
#perspective
#bigpicture

Feeling too busy? Is your to-do list in charge of you?

We can get caught in a stress cycle that feels impossible to stop. When in this mode, we are dysregulated and cannot think straight.

We can pause, take a few regulating breaths, and ask...
Q Are these tasks really mine?
Q Do I really have to do them all today?
Q Where does this (perceived) expectation come from?

We often forget that we DO have choices.

#EFFECTIVETHOUGHTs
#coaching
#overwhelm
#dysregulated
#busyness
#stressrelief
#perspective
#bigpicture

I received a thoughtful, vulnerable 5* review from a peer and friend whose work I really admire (thanks for the permission to share @jennyadamscoach). This got me thinking about how important it is for any coach, therapist, or holistic practitioner to be doing their inner work.

Inner work is needed for us to:-
> Have capacity to really listen and attune.
> Be fully present and hold space.
> Ensure we have full awareness of our triggers and biases.
> Understand the vulnerability and honesty required to face our own 'stuff'.
> Essentially practise what we preach.

You can ask your practitioner about their inner work. Whether they regularly have supervision, mentoring, coaching, holistic modalities, or therapy may have an impact on the quality of their work.

Jenny's full review 😊 -
"Cara’s loving compassion has really been supportive for me with the few somatic EMDR sessions we’ve had. I’ve got ADHD and trauma and have worked with many therapists and coaches in the past but the way Cara works has been so beneficial to getting to the route of some of my issues and beliefs.
She holds the space beautifully and has really helped with my confidence and accepting myself as enough.
She is an absolute star and I can’t recommend her highly enough!"

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#googlereview
#peerfeedback
#somatic
#emdr

I received a thoughtful, vulnerable 5* review from a peer and friend whose work I really admire (thanks for the permission to share @jennyadamscoach). This got me thinking about how important it is for any coach, therapist, or holistic practitioner to be doing their inner work.

Inner work is needed for us to:-
> Have capacity to really listen and attune.
> Be fully present and hold space.
> Ensure we have full awareness of our triggers and biases.
> Understand the vulnerability and honesty required to face our own 'stuff'.
> Essentially practise what we preach.

You can ask your practitioner about their inner work. Whether they regularly have supervision, mentoring, coaching, holistic modalities, or therapy may have an impact on the quality of their work.

Jenny's full review 😊 -
"Cara’s loving compassion has really been supportive for me with the few somatic EMDR sessions we’ve had. I’ve got ADHD and trauma and have worked with many therapists and coaches in the past but the way Cara works has been so beneficial to getting to the route of some of my issues and beliefs.
She holds the space beautifully and has really helped with my confidence and accepting myself as enough.
She is an absolute star and I can’t recommend her highly enough!"

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#googlereview
#peerfeedback
#somatic
#emdr

Noticing and naming your feelings is one of the kindest things you can do for yourself.

The practise promotes -
> mindfulness - you are consciously observing yourself in the moment
> processing of feelings - the acknowledgement helps the feelings to complete, thereby reducing stress.
> self awareness - you can start to notice your triggers and habitual responses

It is quick and easy. The only barrier is remembering.

How might you regularly remind yourself to check in with your feelings or emotions?

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#emotionalintelligence
#selfawareness
#stressrelief

Noticing and naming your feelings is one of the kindest things you can do for yourself.

The practise promotes -
> mindfulness - you are consciously observing yourself in the moment
> processing of feelings - the acknowledgement helps the feelings to complete, thereby reducing stress.
> self awareness - you can start to notice your triggers and habitual responses

It is quick and easy. The only barrier is remembering.

How might you regularly remind yourself to check in with your feelings or emotions?

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#emotionalintelligence
#selfawareness
#stressrelief

My e-book is an essential survival guide for healing from narcissistic or emotionally immature parents. An accessible starter guide to a long and complex subject, it will boost your awareness and offer tips for recovery.

Link in bio, or directly via website- https://www.effectivethoughts.co.uk/product-page/invisible-damage-recovering-from-a-narcissist-parent

> Comment 'discount' for a 50% code off or sign up on the website.<

What people have been saying about it...
"It's powerful stuff to feel understood and held and that's what I got from the book! It gives people permission to nurture themselves where they never realised they could or how to!"
Jessica Goodchild - Coach & Hypnotherapist

"Cara writes so beautifully and sensitively about something that's tricky and awkward. The language is so clean and clear, making it very accessible. It takes courage to shine a light on the impact and recovery process of something that feels like a cultural taboo, but has affected and continues to affect so many, to varying degrees." Debbie Wickens, Counsellor

"Reading and working with the information and guidelines given in Invisible Damage by Cara Hooper has helped me immensely to identify and validate my own experiences and to move forward in a positive and healing direction towards a better version of myself. Within are pointers and tools that have aided in my own transformation into a stronger grounded person, kinder and more understanding as a parent and partner. I now feel I have a framework to guide me when my own past experiences threaten to hold me back from realising the life that I want and am creating". - Lorraine Owen , Founder. Elemental Yoga UK

"This subject took a lot of courage to look at closely and deeply. Cara has done a fantastic job of making it factual/real while providing guidance for making changes to step out of the cycle!" - Laurel Sweet PHD PCC, Executive & Leadership Coach

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#cptsdrecovery #narcissistparents
#complexptsd #emotionallyimmatureparents #healingguide #awarenessbuilding
#toxicrelationships #somaticcoaching
#trauma #healing #somatic #emdr
#Fawning
#selfdevelopment #learning

My e-book is an essential survival guide for healing from narcissistic or emotionally immature parents. An accessible starter guide to a long and complex subject, it will boost your awareness and offer tips for recovery.

Link in bio, or directly via website- https://www.effectivethoughts.co.uk/product-page/invisible-damage-recovering-from-a-narcissist-parent

> Comment 'discount' for a 50% code off or sign up on the website.<

What people have been saying about it...
"It's powerful stuff to feel understood and held and that's what I got from the book! It gives people permission to nurture themselves where they never realised they could or how to!"
Jessica Goodchild - Coach & Hypnotherapist

"Cara writes so beautifully and sensitively about something that's tricky and awkward. The language is so clean and clear, making it very accessible. It takes courage to shine a light on the impact and recovery process of something that feels like a cultural taboo, but has affected and continues to affect so many, to varying degrees." Debbie Wickens, Counsellor

"Reading and working with the information and guidelines given in Invisible Damage by Cara Hooper has helped me immensely to identify and validate my own experiences and to move forward in a positive and healing direction towards a better version of myself. Within are pointers and tools that have aided in my own transformation into a stronger grounded person, kinder and more understanding as a parent and partner. I now feel I have a framework to guide me when my own past experiences threaten to hold me back from realising the life that I want and am creating". - Lorraine Owen , Founder. Elemental Yoga UK

"This subject took a lot of courage to look at closely and deeply. Cara has done a fantastic job of making it factual/real while providing guidance for making changes to step out of the cycle!" - Laurel Sweet PHD PCC, Executive & Leadership Coach

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#cptsdrecovery #narcissistparents
#complexptsd #emotionallyimmatureparents #healingguide #awarenessbuilding
#toxicrelationships #somaticcoaching
#trauma #healing #somatic #emdr
#Fawning
#selfdevelopment #learning

When song lyrics speak the truth... When we need change, no one else can take those steps for us.

Even if we didn't invite the situation, it's up to us to find a new way or to make peace with it.

Anyone else got an earworm now? 🎵🤣

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#personalresponsibility
#problemsolving
#progression
#healing
#nooneiscomingtosaveyou

When song lyrics speak the truth... When we need change, no one else can take those steps for us.

Even if we didn't invite the situation, it's up to us to find a new way or to make peace with it.

Anyone else got an earworm now? 🎵🤣

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#personalresponsibility
#problemsolving
#progression
#healing
#nooneiscomingtosaveyou

What's 1 easy thing you can do this coming week to focus in on those little moments of awe and wonder?

For me, I have just appreciated a noisy gang of starlings chattering over my window. On a walk this morning, my friends (@kellymar1e @kelsmanchee) and I stopped to admire a heron fly over. Then I felt awe at just how chuffed my cat is with being groomed (she is often difficult to please!).

Small moments of noticing, being curious and appreciative, those 'awe and wonder' moments will boost our link to our 'felt sense' as well as our positivity.

The 'felt sense', mindfulness, grounding, centering... it all describes our attention coming back into our body in this moment. The more we do this the more we feel safe, and reduce our triggers, anxiety and stress.

❤️ For numerous communities, things beyond our control are turbulent and difficult right now. But we can make a difference in the world when we care for ourselves; our regulation helps to regulate others.

It takes practise and conscious attention. The trick is to keep remembering to return our attention to this moment.

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#aweandwonder
#curiosity
#emotionalregulation
#nervoussystem
#power of now
#mindfulness
#ventralvagal

What's 1 easy thing you can do this coming week to focus in on those little moments of awe and wonder?

For me, I have just appreciated a noisy gang of starlings chattering over my window. On a walk this morning, my friends (@kellymar1e @kelsmanchee) and I stopped to admire a heron fly over. Then I felt awe at just how chuffed my cat is with being groomed (she is often difficult to please!).

Small moments of noticing, being curious and appreciative, those 'awe and wonder' moments will boost our link to our 'felt sense' as well as our positivity.

The 'felt sense', mindfulness, grounding, centering... it all describes our attention coming back into our body in this moment. The more we do this the more we feel safe, and reduce our triggers, anxiety and stress.

❤️ For numerous communities, things beyond our control are turbulent and difficult right now. But we can make a difference in the world when we care for ourselves; our regulation helps to regulate others.

It takes practise and conscious attention. The trick is to keep remembering to return our attention to this moment.

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#aweandwonder
#curiosity
#emotionalregulation
#nervoussystem
#power of now
#mindfulness
#ventralvagal

NO to excessive, unrealistic pressure that can cause us to freeze and stay stuck.

YES to incremental, experimental steps, adding adjustments as you learn.

What sense of pressure is stopping you from just doing it?

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#stressrelief
#progressnotperfection
#smallsteps

NO to excessive, unrealistic pressure that can cause us to freeze and stay stuck.

YES to incremental, experimental steps, adding adjustments as you learn.

What sense of pressure is stopping you from just doing it?

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#stressrelief
#progressnotperfection
#smallsteps

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